A letter to God

Saturday, April 10

By Paloma Doti

Dear God,
I am an atheist.
People have asked me many times if I believed in you and most of the times I answered: 
I am an atheist.
So, you may be wondering why a person who has denied your existence so many times is writing you a letter. I don´t know. Maybe I'm not that atheist. Or maybe I'm just tired of my lack of faith.
My dad always says he believes in you when the plane is about to fall. Shouldn't those be the moments when we least believe?  It would be preferable to think that the plane is going to fall because they did not check the turbine before taking off and not because there is someone who has all the power in the world and decides not to prevent it from falling.
Although, it is also true that when you are desperate, you tend to renounce all rationality and you begin to pray that there is an entity with all the power in the world and that her/his power is going to be used to help you.
I am not an exception, I came to you when I was 8 years old and my mother asked me to take a shower and I asked you to cut the water all over the world. 
Relax God, no hard feelings, I understand that you did not do it because it would be a kind of selfish decision to cut the water all around the world just because me, an eight year old with a bad smell, wanted to avoid cleaning her body as every child should do.
However, what happens when a request is noble? What happens when a child asks you for his mother not to die of cancer? What happens when a military man does not want to continue killing people in the war? What happens when people take other people's lives because of their skin color, gender or sexuality? What happens when people die in a pandemic?   Where are you?
When mothers die of cancer, when children lose their childhood in wars, when people are killed, when the plane is falling, I prefer not to believe. 
That is why when someone asks me if I believe in you, I answer with rational arguments: I say that I don't believe in what I don't see, that if someone so good really existed the world would not have problems, that the idea is ridiculous, there is no scientific evidence. And the truth is that these are valid arguments. 
But there is one great argument against atheists. There is no evidence or technological advances that can refute it:
The existence of faith.
How could one respond to the faith argument? 
“The pandemic will never end” 
“Relax, have faith, it will end”

What answer could we give to that? What rational argument, with scientific evidence exists that can go beyond faith? 
People trust, believe and have the certainty that everything will be fine. They trust the existence of your plan for them, they live calmly and despite being told that a piano is going to fall on top of their heads, they trust God, (you) , and they think that it will not happen and that if it does, there's a reason why.
I want to believe in you. With all my soul. I need to believe in you. In the moments when I feel sad, when I feel like a small point thrown in the world, without finding the meaning of things, I wish I could calmly say:

Just relax Paloma, have faith.

Dear God, 
I'm an atheist, 
but I hope you exist.   

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