It's Procrastination Time!

Monday, January 20

By Hafsa Ahmed

"Crack crack” the sound of my knuckles cracking as I started readying my fingers to run over the keyboard and type out this article - after taking a lot of time just for mental preparation - for your eyes to feast on (better start feeding them some good stuff folks!). Anyway, as you all are aware, all of us are well acquainted with one non-physical thing, we're closer to it than our closest relatives, even more than our favorite comfort pillow!

And it's a common thing among us all and… wait, you know what… I'll be right back.

(2 hours of staring-at-the-ceiling-later)

Hello!! I'm back! Well I just wrote down the entire article in my mind rather than taking the time to type it down, because…why not? But that just means I’ll have to re-write it physically now which, again, adds up to the other pile of pending work that I left halfway due to severe laziness - and a lot of interesting questions that are held up with chains only breaking away from them when I'm working.

You see, it took me a lot of time to write this down, I kept stalling it with the most absurd excuses: during college “man, I want to type, not write with a pencil right now but I also don't want to go in the common room because...um...it's not comfortable, period”. The scene is reversed at home: “I'm not in the mood to switch on my laptop, pile up the pillows, make a nest to curl myself inside it and work...besides, I'm now in the mood to write with a pencil, the traditional way, yes!!!! But…now I'll have to get up from my nest, take out my stationary, sit back again and I DO NOT WANT TO GET UP AGAIN TO SHARPEN MY PENCIL.”

God, it's so hard. I'm tired. Let’s take a break, I'll start again at 1:30 pm.

Oh no, it's 1:31...well, looks like I'll have to start at 2. It's my biggest pet peeve when I'm a minute early or late from the given time. Let’s think of useless things till the clock strikes two. Hmmm...I wonder how many plates of biryani I can finish in this time duration. How many people are aware that there's a dog breed that can climb trees? (Fact). Okay, a weird question, can eyeballs BOUNCE???

It’s 1:59...a minute left only, let’s just dally a little more. I should bake something - sweet cravings - but let me complete this first * stomach grumbles *

Sweet Lord spare me. Ping! Ohhh, a message! Who’s missing me?!?!?!?! Oh, network text, pfft! As if someone will miss me. Let’s just scroll through Instagram for a while. This henna design is nice, must save to my collection of a hundred other designs which I surely would forget about when I’ll be applying henna. OHMYGOD LOOK AT THIS JUMPSUIT!! Must order Hafsa, must order! “Checks wallet”; must not look at jumpsuit, must not look at jumpsuit, shut up and complete your article. It’s raining, let’s run outside, take pictures and come back looking like a drenched owl dark circles, haha!

For the love of God, complete this article Hafsa, otherwise you know you’ll stall it for so long that when you’re done with it, you’ll have graduated from college.

What should I wear for the farewell? I’m hearing lots of girls are thinking of wearing a saree…pffft, don’t think about it, you know you’ll look like a twig draped in shiny wraps. I wonder if there will be biryani in the menu…or maybe I’ll just bring some on the way to the venue.

HAFSA: STOP THINKING SO MUCH AND DO YOUR WORK, YOU’VE GOT URDU TO COMPLETE AS WELL – even if I’m given a year to complete it, I’ll still complete it a night before the deadline.

I'm sure you all must have guessed the culprit I wrote about by now and whose victims we all are. If you still haven't, what are you even doing?

Finally, I have completed this article which took 2 days and 2 hours of procrastination. Whew!

Oh, my glasses are dirty.

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