How John Green Made Me Believe I Was The Main Character

Friday, March 12

By Rocio Mourelos

Picture this. A nerdy preteen girl around 10  years old wearing a black beanie with a white smiley face, a big old longsleeve t-shirt and coloured shoes. She asks The Fault in Our Stars for her birthday. She gets super into it. She then buys Paper Towns and Looking for Alaska. She thinks is the best written piece of paper since Shakespeare. She is dying to be Margo or Alaska. She therefore gets Will Grayson, Will Grayson and An Abundance of Katherines. She hates them, she might not even understand them. So, she starts reading similar books. She registers herself on Wattpad, for god's sake. She gets coffee at Starbucks starts listening to Nirvana and she believes she is the coolest girl out there. Yup, we're, once again, talking about me, and we can blame John Green for this dark, disturbing era.

John Green dropped The Fault in Our Stars around 2012, creating a new teenage scenario of girls crying for a guy who's dying of cancer but pretends he doesn't care so he invents metaphors and spends way too much money on cigarettes he only uses to seem more interesting, who meets another cancer patient who thinks she is cool because she reads a book written by some dude from Amsterdam. As you can see, I now kind of hate how every serious issue like illnesses are portrayed in this piece of work. But, the 2014 version of myself thinks is a masterpiece, and starts writing "Okay? Okay" in every place she can. Oh, and she highlights dumb quotes in the book thinking it's inspiring. I believe my whole John Green fan era ended when I saw the cinematographic adaptation. It was probably one of the worst things I've ever watched. And it's obviously not a classic, no one will be reading nor watching the movie 20 years from now for their Literature class.

But the amount of crazy ideas that man put in my head. I swear, I wanted to be Margo from Paper Towns. I wanted to be mysterious, to have a silly but cute boy following my steps, to watch my town from a building's ceiling. And that's when the voragine started. I would look for inspiration on We Heart It, and try to find clothes that suited my now hipster, nerdy or whatever that was aesthetic. I kept on buying books. Rainbow Rowell's, the Maze Runner saga, etc. Until one day I found Love Letters to The Dead, and that's when they lost me for ever.

To this day, I believe Ava Dellaira's Love Letters to The Dead has a great plot: a girl whose sister died is really sad and starts writing letters to famous people who also are dead: Jim Morrison, Amy Winehouse, Amelia Earhart, Kurt Cobain. Oh my god, Kurt Cobain. I really thought I was the most savage girl out there listening Smells Like Teen Spirit. My mom probably was incredibly afraid of what I've become: a girl who listens to Nirvana, writes on Wattpad, and draws the infinity sign on her wrists anytime she could. I would have considered myself a lost case.

I had this story posted on Wattpad. It was practically Harry Potter but with witches and a girl main character. It lack of sense and sanity, but it had like 50k views. I felt like the main character again. But I was the main character in a world I have created for myself. It was like I had bought a town but the only person living there was me. I was building things for myself. I guess that's why I don't need anyone to help me do things but, at the same time, that's the reason I feel lonely sometimes. At the end of the day, I was pretending to be the main character to feel good with myself and probably missed couple of things that were happening in the real world. But I had a blast, though. I definitely like to joke about it now, but, then, it felt great.

John Green has something to do with all of this. He was the light that started the fire. Should I be grateful for it? I don't know, I guess we'll see in a near future how being a The Fault In Our Stars enthusiast impacts in my adult life. I sometimes see John on YouTube when I have to study for History (he has really smart videos, if you want to check them out to help yourself complete that essay you're not writing because you are reading this) and, when that happens, I find myself thinking man, this dude is my childhood.

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