Love Languages and How to Love With Them

Thursday, February 11

By Cadderly Kingsbury

Relationships cannot function with merely love; there has to be a mutual commitment and promise of loyalty. There are times when loving someone is hard, and in those times, one has to consider and remember the promises they made and wait for better days.

My parents have been in a sloppy relationship, which became more apparent to me as I grew older and began to understand. It was rare when the whole family would be together. We never did family game nights, or went out to movies together. In fact, my parents never had a designated date night of the month, let alone a consistent day of the week. Although I didn’t think much at the time, I realized it hurt my development and now I’m not sure what healthy, true love is, or how to express it. When you’re young, you believe that your parents are soulmates. Then you grow up.

Love languages are a subconscious part of our emotional responses. More often than not, your love language is something you were deprived of as a child. For example, if your parents were workaholics and rarely home, your language might be presence. If you were showered with gifts and toys, gifts might not mean as much to you as someone who didn’t have much. 

There are 5 main types of love languages; presents, presence, words, touch and acts of service. Within these 5, are a multitude of sublanguages that ultimately make up who we are and how we express love. 

 

Presents

Presents, gifts… buying items for another is what this category is about. If someone has this love language, they spend recklessly for their partner. Small things, such as a coffee in the more or flowers on a tough Thursday is their way of showing love and dedication. Additionally, they love to receive well-thought out presents. To them, a gift is not a materialistic, superficial thing, but a way to prove that your partner understands your wants and needs.

 

Presence

Quality time is very important in this high-speed world we live in. For those whose love language is presence, they will do what they can in order to be around their partner. The time is often spent together with undivided attention; being fully immersed with each other and each other's life. Presence is about active listening and devotion of time to your significant other.

 

Words

Words are simply words of affirmation. It’s about clear and consistent communication. Those who use words as their love language believe in speaking their mind and being explicit with their intentions and thoughts. Flirting, compliments and other forms of validation are what make up this love language.

 

Touch

Physical touch does not always have to be sexual. Cuddling and hand holding are common ways of expressing this love language, but also just maintaining points of contact wherever you are. This language isn’t about being sexual, but feeling a sense of security with another person, and reassuring oneself that they are there.

 

Acts of Service

This love language consists of day-to-day chores and trying to please your significant other through actions. Whether it’s taking out the trash, doing the dishes, or bringing them lunch, this love language is about making others' lives easier. Acts of service people believe that actions speak louder than words, and adore when someone helps them out without asking.

Someone can have multiple languages, as humans are complex and built up of many different emotions. These languages can be hard to understand and grasp, especially if you and your partner have different languages. In that scenario, the parties have to learn about the others, and put in effort to do more of what they need. 


 

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