You spend months reading self help books, weeks seeing a therapist and days telling yourself that you are the happiest and the most goal driven person ever, and then one day, you feel like it's all gone. All the motivation, the inspiration, the drive, everything's gone. You find yourself lying in a pool of vulnerability, emotionally exposed and wide open. Your emotions are pouring out and there doesn't seem to be enough bandages available. What do you do in that moment? Do you text an old friend or an ex? Do you make yourself a cup of tea, or you watch your favourite sit-com that makes you feel at home?
It is difficult to choose whether to pull yourself together or to just give in to your restlessness. Your body seems to be looking for its dose of nicotine. You've been off intimacy for so long that it's now showing withdrawal symptoms. It needs a hug. A freaking hug. And not just any damn hug. It desperately needs a hug that's comfortable and warm. A hug that penetrates you. One that fills this void. Your heart needs a heating pad, pressed right against it to relieve the pain and the stiffness. You tried hugging yourself like your shrink taught you but that's not helping either.
You close your eyes and think of a person whom you could ask for a hug but you can't think of anyone. There's no one who would just hug you and not judge you. One who wouldn't ask what's going on or why at all you need a hug anyway. One who doesn't know your past, or your present and doesn't give a damn where you come from or who you are. One who would let you hug him for as long as you want and wouldn't expect anything in return. One who wouldn't question. How could you even respond to the million questions when you have no answers. You spent months thinking that you had finally found your direction and then one day you feel like it's all gone. You find yourself swimming in the middle of an ocean, with no trace of land on any side and no direction. What do you do in that moment? Just fall asleep hoping everything will be fine when you wake up?